Poquito Menos

A complete stranger totally made my day.

After working out I stopped into my favorite Baja style Mexican food place in LA to pick up some dinner on my way home. I go this place at least once a week, whenever I am feeling like I want "a little more" than what those other places have to offer. Its like a Baja Fresh or Sharky's but a thousand million times better. It had been about two weeks since my last visit though because I was out of town and stuff, and I was totally craving it.

Anyway, I walked in and walked right up to the counter. Without hesitation the lady at the register called out my order to the cooks and rung me up. She is this cute Mexican girl; early twenties, nice smile, a little meat on her bones, and she's always super friendly and cheery. As we are waiting for my receipt to print she asks me in her cute accent, "Are you on a diet?" To which I honestly reply, "No." She says, "Ohh, you look more skinny. More (insert the picture below)." She did the arm thing and made the little puckered lip face and everything. It made me laugh. And I said, "Oh, well thanks."


So great. Totally made my day. I have been working my ass off for the past couple months and things are going pretty well. I mean, this person who is essentially a stranger was able to notice a change, which is a really good sign. That was exactly the boost I needed going into pride weekend here in Los Angeles where all the hottest men will be running around in speedos.

-FQ

"My Body Is A Cage"

Today, while at the gym, "My Body Is A Cage" by Arcade Fire popped on my iPod. I love AF and this song never really got much attention from me. That is until today. I heard it with brand new ears.

Check out the video here.

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

I'm standing on a stage Of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow play
But they'll clap anyway

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key

I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head

I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key
My body is a

My body is a cage
We take what we're given
Just because you've forgotten
That don't mean you're forgiven

I'm living in an age
That screams my name at night
But when I get to the doorway
There's no one in sight

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key

Set my spirit free
Set my spirit free
Set my body free


So, the lyrics that really hit me I've decided to bold. For so long I have allowed my body to be a cage that has held me back in more ways than one. I have never really dated, only hooked up with a couple guys (and it wasn't very easy to let go of my inhibitions), and basically written myself off as undesirable (more on that later). For way too long I let myself get caught up in a vicious cycle of negative thinking. By being overweight (see posts here & here) I felt horrible about myself, which kept me unmotivated (major defeatist attitude), which kept me fat, and so on and so on. Blah. What a shitty fucking cycle.


The mind is seriously powerful. It is the key to everything. The saying "mind over matter" comes to mind, as does stuff like "The Secret," Eckhart Tolle, and crap like that. But really, the mind is the control center and it is amazing just how at its mercy we are. The good thing is we can choose to only listen to some of what the mind is telling us, the positive stuff, and ignore the rest. I'm OK with being at the mercy of a positive thinking, self-affirming mind.

In my case it was allowing myself to admit I am gay (and over time embrace it) and realize that I needed to stop allowing the self sabotage. Then realize that I could not allow myself to be intimate with someone until I was comfortable with myself, which meant losing a lot of weight. Plus, all the health issues associated with obesity are no fun and I didn't want to deal with a heart attack at 25 or diabetes.


At some point, back in 2002, I finally got my shit together and decided to do something. And through a few ups and downs (but mostly downs; it's weight loss, get it?) I have managed to work off over 100 lbs. That fucking rocks! That is a major feat. Once I got over all my hang ups, I was able to let my mind be the key to both unlock my body from its cage, and keep me on the path to better health and self-esteem.

-FQ

P.S. After all my bitching about not getting hit on by guys, I totally did last weekend when I was out in WeHo. Yay!

It's A Numbers Game

Weight loss. It's just a numbers game. Calories in. calories out. If you have more calories coming in than out, you gain weight (and vice versa). And as the saying goes, "Weight is just a number."

Considering this, I wanted to see what the numbers look like in my own personal weight loss numbers game.

Let me break it down:

My current weight is 220 lbs.
My current body fat percentage is 25% (according to my bathroom scale; who knows how accurate that is?).
That means that 55 lbs are fat (kinda gross) and my Lean Body Mass (LBM) is 165 lbs.

Now, if a healthy body fat percentage for a guy in his twenties is 13 –18% that means that I need to reduce my body fat percentage by a minimum of 7%.

Taking into account my LBM, if I were at 18% body fat I would weigh 200-202 lbs (35-37 of them fat). If I were at 13% body fat I would weigh 190 lbs (25 of which would be fat).

Now, I honestly believe that my “ideal” is 15% (a weight of 195 lbs, 30 lbs Of fat) and that is what I am going to shoot for. This of course means that I have 25 lbs to lose still. That sounds a bit daunting. However, I can do this shit. I am so ready to make it happen.

The thing about the body fat percentage is that is based on the ratio of fat and LBM. The numbers I have listed above are based on my current LBM and if I continue to work out like I am and increasing my lean muscle mass those numbers will obviously change. Though, either way I think that 25 lbs is a good goal to set.

My original goal of reaching 205 lbs by August 15th still stands. Then shed those last 10 hopefully by October, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
Continuing on with the numbers game I wanted to figure out just how many calories I need to burn to get rid of those 25 lbs.

Here’s the breakdown:

1 lb is the equivalent of 3,500 calories.
I have 25 extra pounds to get rid of.
That means I need to burn 87,500 calories! Holy shit!

But to put that into perspective, since I started this blog I have lost 28 lbs (98,000 calories). And since I started this process many years ago, when I weighed over 300 lbs, I have burned upwards of 350,000 extra calories. That makes the final stretch of this long journey seem like a drop in the bucket.

If I continue to work hard like I have been, both diet and exercise wise, and maintain a minimum of a 5,250-calorie deficit at the end of each week, I will lose 1.5 lbs each week and totally meet my August 15th goal.

-FQ

Weekly Wrap Up: Week ? - I've lost count

I have started a new progress-tracking schedule. I implemented it at the beginning of May as a way to make sure that I don't stress about weighing myself too frequently, or not enough, and that I take measurements regularly rather than every so often. So the plan is: Weigh-Ins are every Monday morning. Measurements are taken on the first of every month. Simple and easy to follow, right?

To keep track of all this I have also created a progress calendar. This is something I used to do a few years ago (when I went from over 300 lbs. to around 255 lbs.). On this calendar I mark my daily physical activity, whether it be going to the gym, going for a jog/walk, swimming, etc. I also write my weight in the box every Monday and then I have a separate form for measurements. Because of the calendar I can report that I exercised 22 out of the 31 days in May (and that isn't even accounting for the days I worked, all kinds of physical labor, but didn't do any extra exercise).




So how are things going so far? Not too badly. Since I last reported here, way back in January, my weight had managed to go up a bit. This pissed me off, made me angry, a little depressed, and then forced me to take action. So, while I wasn't all that excited about posting my stats I did have a renewed sense of motivation and drive (hence the latter half of the Seth Rogan post).


As of June 1, 2009:
Weight: 220 lbs. (at the beginning of May I was back up to 226)
chest @ nipples: 45"
under breasts: 42"
bicep: 12.5"/13"
@ belly button: 41"
hips: 39"
butt @ widest point: 42.5"
thigh: 24"
calf: 17"

220 lbs. is still my lowest weight. I am really looking to break the 220 mark! I remember being 243 lbs. and dreaming of breaking the 240 mark. So fucking fantastic that I am where I am now. I am getting closer to my goal, and it’s about damn time.

-FQ