"My Body Is A Cage"

Today, while at the gym, "My Body Is A Cage" by Arcade Fire popped on my iPod. I love AF and this song never really got much attention from me. That is until today. I heard it with brand new ears.

Check out the video here.

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

I'm standing on a stage Of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow play
But they'll clap anyway

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key

I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head

I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key
My body is a

My body is a cage
We take what we're given
Just because you've forgotten
That don't mean you're forgiven

I'm living in an age
That screams my name at night
But when I get to the doorway
There's no one in sight

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key

Set my spirit free
Set my spirit free
Set my body free


So, the lyrics that really hit me I've decided to bold. For so long I have allowed my body to be a cage that has held me back in more ways than one. I have never really dated, only hooked up with a couple guys (and it wasn't very easy to let go of my inhibitions), and basically written myself off as undesirable (more on that later). For way too long I let myself get caught up in a vicious cycle of negative thinking. By being overweight (see posts here & here) I felt horrible about myself, which kept me unmotivated (major defeatist attitude), which kept me fat, and so on and so on. Blah. What a shitty fucking cycle.


The mind is seriously powerful. It is the key to everything. The saying "mind over matter" comes to mind, as does stuff like "The Secret," Eckhart Tolle, and crap like that. But really, the mind is the control center and it is amazing just how at its mercy we are. The good thing is we can choose to only listen to some of what the mind is telling us, the positive stuff, and ignore the rest. I'm OK with being at the mercy of a positive thinking, self-affirming mind.

In my case it was allowing myself to admit I am gay (and over time embrace it) and realize that I needed to stop allowing the self sabotage. Then realize that I could not allow myself to be intimate with someone until I was comfortable with myself, which meant losing a lot of weight. Plus, all the health issues associated with obesity are no fun and I didn't want to deal with a heart attack at 25 or diabetes.


At some point, back in 2002, I finally got my shit together and decided to do something. And through a few ups and downs (but mostly downs; it's weight loss, get it?) I have managed to work off over 100 lbs. That fucking rocks! That is a major feat. Once I got over all my hang ups, I was able to let my mind be the key to both unlock my body from its cage, and keep me on the path to better health and self-esteem.

-FQ

P.S. After all my bitching about not getting hit on by guys, I totally did last weekend when I was out in WeHo. Yay!